How to Make the Transition to Using a Sperm Donor

When couples are made aware that there is a need to use a sperm donor to help grow their family, this transition can be emotionally wrought. It is difficult to change your mindset through the steps from wanting to have a child with one’s partner, to the partners struggling to conceive, to having a male infertility issue in which conception is not possible even with fertility care, to needing to use a sperm donor unless other family-building options such as adoption are under consideration.

Like many aspects of modern family building, you would probably be surprised about how common sperm donation can be when a male fertility issue is present. Socially speaking, we still collectively struggle to speak openly and honestly about male fertility issues. The topics are still associated with unfair, unjust stigmas about fertility and maleness. These factors can contribute to making an emotional transition to using a sperm donor more difficult on both partners, though there are ways to work through concerns and perhaps make the process even a little bit easier to manage.

• Be honest about what you want from the donation process: There will be decisions between partners about what kind of sperm donor will be selected. Is physicality the most important factor? For example, should the donor look as much like the male partner as possible, or is it OK if the donor meets other criteria such as educational background without sharing your eye and hair colors?
• Consider a fertility support group: Support groups can be in-person, male only, female only, couples only, or entirely online. Joining one offers an opportunity to connect with others who have undergone the same or similar diagnosis and face the same decisions about finding and using donor sperm.
• Consider (even now) how you will talk to your child or children: Children are prone to ask “Where did I come from?” no matter how they came into this world. Learning how to broach this topic with your future offspring can help alleviate some of the concerns future parents can have about using donor sperm. We also have a guide on how to talk to family members and friends about sperm donation.

If you have questions about our sperm donor program or are ready to get started with the donation process, please contact our team.